FLOOR 21: Judgement (The Tower Legacy Book 3) Read online

  I see Sally.

  Nobody else does, and as far as I can tell, I’m literally the only person who’s ever had hallucinations about her. We’ll be walking down a hall, and I’ll feel like there’s someone watching us from behind. Then, just when I turn around, I’ll catch a second of her in my sight before she vanishes. Other times, when we turn a corner, the whole hall will look like it’s on fire. It’s like the blaze from the day she died has been taken and turned up a hundred times stronger. When it happens, nobody else can see it but me, but everything always looks like it’s burning. Then, there she’ll be, just lying on the floor. The first time it happened, I almost jumped out of my skin. Everyone thought I was going nutters because I started ordering everyone out of the hall. It actually took Tommy grabbing me to shake me out of it, and even then, I had to wait a few minutes before the hallucination wore off.

  But now? It’s not like I see her everywhere, but when I do, it’s like she’s just staring at me. It’s not even like she’s trying to attack me, not like a Demon. But, I mean, it’s not like she can want anything. She’s dead. I’m the one who killed her. Every time I see her and start wondering what she wants, I remember putting that needle in her neck. Then reality hits me, and I’m back to being a killer.

  The cycle always starts over a few days later, just as I’m starting to think I can get over my guilt. I’ll walk down a hall, and she’ll be standing there, looking at me like she wants to say something. It doesn’t feel like she’s angry. Actually, when I see her, I just feel sad. It’s the way I always feel when I think about her. Then, after it looks like she’s been trying to tell me something for a few seconds, she’ll vanish. I get left in a dark hall, by myself, thinking about what I had to do to her. I’ll get back to Mike and Tommy and Dodger and have to shove down what I’m feeling all over again, because none of them have had to do what I’ve done. Everyone on the team has had to kill out of self-defense. There’s no getting around it. Just, there’s a big difference between shooting someone from far away and actually doing something like I did, up close, and then watching their life drain out. Nothing leaves a mark on you like watching someone slip away right in front of your eyes. That’s what I can’t get out of my head, and that’s why I keep thinking about what David Marshall called me. An angel of darkness. I don’t want to be that, but I can’t let go of the day I killed her. As long as I have Sally in my head, as long as I don’t have closure, I don’t think I’ll ever be able to move on.

  Tommy’s Recording 16

  Jackie kind of surprised me today. We’re standing around, searching around some apartment living room, when she just looks at me out of nowhere and says, “A life in roses.”

  “A what? What’re you talking about?”

  “It’s this . . . Nothing. It’s . . . it’s stupid.”

  “What’s stupid about it?”

  “Nothing. Sorry, didn’t mean to bring it up.”

  She does this thing sometimes where she starts talking about something before she cuts herself off, like she thinks nobody wants to listen to her. That’s the insecure part of her I’ve talked about, the part that still makes her feel like she’s alone. “Hey, Jackie, come on. I want to know. What’s a . . . What did you call it? A life in roses?”

  “It’s just, you remember Allison, right?”

  “Yeah. Of course.”

  “My best and only friend for forever. The one you were trying to hit on?”

  “Hey, now, that’s not really—”

  “Whatever. The point is, you remember how much of a music buff she was?”

  “Oh, yeah. She probably had a bigger music collection than anyone else back home. I still wonder how much she had to trade for all of it.”

  “Right? Anyway, she had this one album, and there was this song on it called ‘A Life in Roses.’ I just . . . I really liked it, is all.”

  “Yeah? Was it rocking? Did it have a great beat or something? Something you could dance to?”

  “No,” she says as she laughs. She actually looks embarrassed because she just starts staring at the floor. “It was more like this slow piece with piano and strings and stuff. I don’t know. It’s just something you could sway to, you know?”

  “Sway to?”

  “Yeah, you know, if . . .”

  “If?”

  I actually see her face flush, which is a little harder to see on her given her brown skin. “If you’re . . . with . . . someone. Dancing, or whatever. But, you know, more like swaying.”

  “Swaying.”

  “Where you just kind of hold onto each other and sway to the music. It’s slow. And, you know, it’s romantic.”

  By this point, I just can’t stop grinning. “Jackie Coleman. Here I thought all you did all day was plot how to get out of the Tower and dodge Creepers. You’re telling me you have a romantic bone in your body?”

  “Hey, in my defense, it’s small. Like, pinkie finger small.”

  “Is that right?”

  “Oh, shut up, Tommy. You’re going to stand there and act like you never watched one romantic movie back when we were on the upper floors?”

  “Well, yeah, sure I did. When I was on a date. I was the macho jock, remember?”

  “Alright, well, sorry I brought it up.”

  “Hey. Don’t act like that. I’m kidding, really. I did get choked up about some of those movies. I mean, you don’t have a heart if at least one of them doesn’t get you right in your feels.”

  “And there was a movie that got you all worked up like that?”

  I shrug. “Maybe, about these two people who fell in love young but couldn’t really be with each other until they were practically dying. They spent their whole lives waiting for each other. All I’m saying is, if you had dry eyes when that movie ended, there was something wrong with you.”

  “I’m mildly relieved to hear that you have a heart in that body of yours, tin man.”

  “They say, if you listen close, you can occasionally hear it ticking,” I tell her with a wink.

  “I will be absolutely sure to keep an ear out for that.”

  “So, what brought up that conversation?”

  “Just, thinking about things I’ll never have, I guess.”

  “What, a romantic dance? What about you and Mike?”

  She gives me a side eye that tells me I should know better. “Mike is in no condition. I feel like that’s abundantly clear.”

  “Are you telling me you don’t like him anymore?”

  She stops for a second and looks up, like she’s going to find the answer written on the ceiling. “I love him, Tommy. Just . . .”

  “Just, you’re not in love with him.”

  “I met him when I was a kid. He was a few years older, but he was a kid too.”

  “I know. Hey, Jackie, don’t ever feel like you’ve got to explain yourself to me or anything. I’m not blaming you. Feelings are . . . I don’t know. Feelings are weird.”

  “Yeah, well, like I said, sometimes when we’re down here, I just start thinking about things I’ll never have.”

  It’s the sort of thing that makes my chest hurt. “A slow dance with a guy you like.”

  “Cheesy, right?”

  “Nah, Jackie. You didn’t get much attention growing up. I don’t blame you for wanting something at least that basic. It’s kind of the goal, right? Just having someone we care about that’ll stick around.”

  “Not like we’re swimming in eligible bachelors down here. It’s not even like I’m guy crazy or anything. It’s never been like that. Just, I miss that feeling you get when you connect with someone, you know? When you feel like you can talk to someone for hours without realizing it?”

  “Yeah, when you just don’t ever want to stop talking to someone.”

  “Yeah.” She sighs, and then we just stand there in that empty room for a second, searching the shelves for anything that might be valuable. It’s, I don’t know, weird, I guess. Jackie doesn’t talk about romance. It’s never really f
elt like a priority to her, and I still don’t feel like it necessarily is. But we’re all human, right? All of us get lonely once in a while.

  “Hey, Jackie.”

  “Yeah?”

  “If we get out of here, I promise I’ll give you that dance. I’m going to have to ask Dodger’s permission first. That should be obvious. I think she’ll understand though.”

  She turns to me. “Getting sentimental on me, Toolbox?”

  “Well, you know you have that effect sometimes.”

  “Do I? That’s the first time anyone’s told me that,” she says as her fingers slide over her eyes. “Too many feels, Tommy.”

  “I know. We must be getting older.”

  “Don’t remind me.”

  “So, that dance. It’s a date, then?”

  Jackie laughs. “Yeah, Tommy. It’s a date.”

  Mike’s Recording 04

  It’s easy to think of Jackie as a fighter. She’s always doing it. Reason I know Jackie’s more than that is because I remember the old Jackie. Wasn’t that long ago we were sitting around in a library and she was complaining about not having any friends. Those are my favorite memories, actually. Just the two of us, hanging. That was around the time she was talking about how her and her parents didn’t talk. Turns out that was because her family was under surveillance, but it still messed her up pretty bad. Point is that she didn’t feel like she could trust anyone.

  Allison was her only real friend. She hated everyone else. Well, hate might not be the best word for it. More like she was scared of everyone else. Not like she thought they were going to attack her or anything, but I guess she just didn’t know who she could trust. I mean, that’s not hard to understand. All she wanted to do was explore the Tower while everyone else was acting like things were fine. I was the only person she knew she could talk to about the Creep. It’s been months since I was back home, but I never forget how worried I was that I’d get arrested just for talking about that kind of stuff. Being curious isn’t a good thing on the upper floors, and nobody was more curious than Jackie. Probably why she had anxiety attacks about other people and always thought they couldn’t be trusted. The fact that her parents pretty much stopped talking to her for a decade didn’t help.

  I get that she started liking me in the first place because she could talk to me about these things. Times were different then. Now, I’m not sure we have anything to talk about. We don’t need to talk about what’s in the Creep, because we’re here. We see it. When we do talk, it’s always about the same thing. My problems. Truth is, I wish I was better. Wish I could get this under control and make a difference, like she does.

  Because, even if she keeps us alive during the fights, it’s what she does outside of them that makes me realize she’s not the girl I met. Old Jackie would’ve hated Dodger. Now, it’s like she’s always trying to talk with her. Trying to be friends. Old Jackie would have been scared that Dodger might turn on her. She definitely used to hate Tommy. These days, I see them talking and smiling, and I’m just like . . . I want to have that with her. I want to laugh with her. I see when he puts an arm around her, like they’re brother and sister. See it when he comes up alongside her to give her a hug. A year ago, she would’ve ripped herself away. Now? Now she smiles. All I do is take up all her time, talking about my problems. Talking about these ghosts I can’t shake. All I do is think about how terrible the plan went and how I let down my old team, when the truth is I just really want to be like Jackie and everyone else. Just want to feel what they feel.

  Happy.

  Jackie’s Recording 17

  I’m not happy.

  At least, not all the time. I’ve talked about how hard it is to have to keep the team alive during fights, only to have to worry later about keeping them all emotionally stable. Who would have thought keeping a group of human beings content would drain the soul out of you, am I right?

  Mike thinks I don’t care about him. I don’t know how to let him know how much that’s not true. I tell him, every day. The thing is, even if I was in love with him, and I told him that, I don’t think he’d believe me. He just hates himself too much right now. We can spend the whole night talking, and the next day, he’ll just hang out on the edge of the group. While everyone else is joking, he’ll be there, just saying nothing and watching us. It’s eating me up inside because I know what that’s like. I’ve been there. I’ve been that person. I still am, sometimes. I’ve seen guys like Tommy and instantly thought they must hate me. The truth was that I just had zero confidence in myself. So, I know where Mike’s at. That’s why I’m always there for him. No one should have to go through life feeling like nobody cares. It’s just, I have to believe that at some point he’ll see that I really believe in him. We all do, I think. I just have to get him to believe in himself now. I’m not sure how to do that, but I think if I just get him involved more, he’ll see that we appreciate him. What I have to do is make him feel like he’s a real part of the team.

  Dodger, on the other hand? She’s easy to keep happy. She’s kind of like me that way. You just have to give her a problem to solve. So, most of the time, I have her cracking open some of the audio files and science logs that David Marshall left behind. I mean, it’s busy work, but she likes it. Plus, it’s given us something to talk about, since we’re both science nerds that way. I always knew she loved my dad because he’s such a respected scientist, but the more I’ve gotten to know her, the more I’ve realized just how much she actually looked up to him. I mean, she almost wants to be exactly like him. All she wants to do is study the Creep, although I don’t think she meant it to happen this way: surrounded by it.

  Ever since that night in the bathroom, Tommy’s been . . . I don’t know how to put it. Nobody’s hugged me like that since my mom and dad said goodbye to me. It’s weird, you know? It makes me feel like a part of a family. That’s really awkward for me to say because I barely got used to the idea of having normal parents a few months ago. Having a normal mom and dad again was actually incredibly awkward, but I guess that’s just a part of being family. It’s not like it’s always fun times or anything. You have to take the bad with the good.

  Sometime in the last few weeks, that’s how I’ve started to think about everyone here. I look at Mike, and I just want him to be okay. Even if I don’t know what I can do for him, and it feels like it’s going to take forever to help him, I’m okay with it. I mean, if this really is some sort of family that we’ve duct taped together down here, then we’re supposed to be there for each other, right? You don’t just bail when things get tough. When I talk to Dodger, I want to nerd out with her for a while. I’m not saying it’s like we’re sisters, but . . . kind of? And Tommy, I just . . . I just want to hug him, and I hate hugging people. When I wake up and I’m getting everyone ready for the day, and I’m standing there scared that things are going to go wrong, I see him, and it just makes everything better. It’s weirdly comforting to watch him rolling out of bed and giving me that dumb grin of his. I feel like he’s got my back.

  And, honestly? I need that.

  It’s the first time in my life that I’ve really wanted to be around people. Of course, it’s my luck that it had to have happened down here of all places. Still, it’s not like I regret it. I don’t. I’m not sorry this is the way it happened, because I’ve never felt like I’ve ever had this many people that I cared about. For the first time, I actually feel like I’m a part of something. Who knows, they might even like me too. That’s why I stress out about them so much. Still, even when I’m at my worst, when all three of them are driving me up the wall, I don’t want to be anywhere else but around them. When Mike won’t stop complaining, when Dodger’s stressing me out with her shooting, and Tommy’s dumb jock routine is making me nuts, I still don’t know who else I’d rather be around. They really do make me feel better, like, as a person. Yeah. These guys really make me happy. That’s why I can go to sleep and actually think that, maybe, everything’s going to be okay.
/>   Tommy’s Recording 17

  I don’t . . . I don’t know how to record this, but I have to. I’ve got a second to be alone, and I need to . . . I need to say something. Thing is, I don’t know really how to . . . how to even start. I just . . . Damn it. Sorry, I just, I need a second to breathe.

  We’d travelled farther than anyone else, at least as far as I knew. It was the deepest any Scavenger team has been, and man, I’m telling you, the things we’d been seeing. The lower floors were crawling with these . . . I don’t know how to describe them. We’d been scraping for food and supplies below Floor 75 when the halls busted open with these creatures. They weren’t Creepers, not like the ones we’re used to seeing. These things had never been human. They were like insects or something, crawling around on all fours and rushing at us like a gunshot. A few bullets put one down, but the rest were swarming the halls in packs, and we went through so much ammo that we knew we were in trouble. These things had jaws on their faces that looked like they’d snap through metal, and these tentacles growing out of their backs that kept whipping at us even after they were dead.

  The halls were basically turning into nightmares. We were lucky if we found anywhere that wasn’t soaking in Creep, and it was just so aggressive. One hall we passed through, the walls were just covered in eyes, all staring at us as we cut through. It was . . . well, I guess intense is the word. The thing was, we were keeping cool. Just like always, we looked to Jackie, and she just kept her calm. That sort of settled the rest of us down. It’s probably the only reason we didn’t panic and die right there.